Women face unique challenges in leadership positions. This, in part, is because we’re relatively “new” in the leadership and entrepreneur space: we couldn’t even get a business loan without a male family member co-signer until 1988.
The other part (or, perhaps the main part) is due to a bias against female leaders. These three leadership tips aim to help female leaders elevate their effectiveness in their roles, despite the challenges we face.
Tip 1: Embrace Assertive Communication
In law school, I was taught to never (ever) use passive voice. This practice helped me in my role as a founder and CEO with over 100 employees. When we’re indirect or passive, people can miss the point of what we’re saying. This makes us ineffective as communicators; ineffectiveness cripples our ability to lead.
The reason women default to indirect communication is because we fear being disliked. Being disliked has historically jeopardized our very safety. In fact, studies show that even if we have never personally experienced a threat to our safety, generationally women have, and therefore, this threat remains a very real fear in our bodies.
So, if you’re struggling with being direct because it distresses you, calm your nervous system first. I regularly do SKY meditation for this exact reason. You can also role play with a colleague.
When you find yourself being direct, ask the person you’re speaking with to “echo back” what you’re saying. This will allow them to tell you what they’re hearing. By allowing them to put your statements into their words, you can be sure that you’re communicating effectively and you’ve created a space to ensure that you’re not being too direct.
Tip 2: Tie Feedback to Core Values
All of us have felt torn down when receiving critical feedback. Unfortunately, that negative feeling stays with us a lot longer than the feeling of receiving positive feedback. If we’re regularly giving critical feedback, our direct reports will begin to associate us with that negative feeling, lacing all of our work with them with negativity.
To overcome this, tie critical feedback to core values, rather than to the individual’s personality. For example, rather than saying, “you have a negative attitude when it comes to my new ideas; please stop being negative,” you can say, “One of our core values is to be innovative. I’ve noticed that you usually respond to my new ideas with all the reasons they won’t work. Although I value your critical thinking, your responses can chill the spirit of innovation. Going forward, how do you think you can respond to new idea proposals so you’re embracing our core value of innovation?”
Tip 3: Solicit Feedback to Foster Open Communication
Everyone says they love feedback — until it’s time to give or receive it. Asking for feedback, however, changes everyone’s experience of it. Here’s how it’s worked in my company (and 19-year marriage).
Make Feedback Your New Favorite F Word
According to feedback experts, there are actually three types of feedback: Evaluation, coaching/mentoring, and appreciation. Start telling your direct reports, “I want to give you some appreciation feedback, if you’re open to it?” (They will be.) Tell them, sincerely, praise for something they did. Do the same for coaching feedback.
This practice will make them more open to receiving all types of feedback, so when it’s time to give them evaluation (critical) feedback, they’ll have a healthy relationship with the f word and know that you’re giving them the input because you care about their growth.
Automate Feedback
One of the pre-meeting questions every employee fills out before their monthly 1:1 with their supervisor requires them to ask for a specific type of feedback and the specific topic they want that feedback on. “I’d like evaluation feedback on the motion I submitted to you last week.”
When they’re asking for feedback, they’re much more open to receiving it. By alerting you in advance, you’ll have time to thoughtfully review the topic they’re asking for feedback on, too. When no one is surprised with feedback because it’s regular, everybody wins.
Applying these tips will increase the effectiveness in your communication, which will necessarily make you an even better leader.
Hillary Walsh
Hillary Walsh is an award-winning human rights lawyer who has dedicated her life to liberating domestic violence and human trafficking survivors. Her innovative approach to business has helped her grow an eight figure law firm, New Frontier, in less than 5 years. She is also a 20-year military spouse, a mother of four, and a raving Phoenix Suns fan.
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