The Times Online from the UK, published an article in March called Why Women are Such Bad Networkers.
It’s no good thinking that hard work will get you anywhere. If you want to make it to the top, you’re going to have to overcome your fear of socializing and start schmoozing like men.
Of course, this caught my attention! Is this really true? Is it valid that women have a fear of socializing? Is it a valid point that women don’t schmooze like men? The implication is that men are better at building the social capital to advance their careers.
Let’s take one point at a time. I do believe that many women still feel that working hard is the best way to get ahead. Working hard yet being invisible in your company will not get you anywhere. While you are toiling away in your office long hours, men are working smarter by building social capital within the organization. Though this is a generalization, men do tend to be more visible. They promote themselves better than women. They take credit for their accomplishments and let other know the value that they bring; all this along with doing the tasks at hand. I’ve heard countless stories of women passed over for promotions due to a lack of visibility.
Lesson learned: Consciously put time aside to perform activities in your organization that will bring you more credibility and visibility. As an example, do you always work through lunch? Set aside at least one day a week to set up a lunch with a colleague. Be strategic about who you invite to lunch and widen your circle; increase your web of influence.
Next point: women are fearful of socializing. I do not believe this is true. Women love to socialize and, in fact, excel at building relationships. So what does the author of this article mean? I think the point is that women socialize differently than men. When it comes to building social capital to advance their careers, men are more direct.
In the article, Liz Cable, a social media expert, says,
I think when women hear the phrase ‘social network’, they hear social. Men hear network….Women are not promoting themselves in the right way. Many of them are slipping under the radar because they are afraid of people they don’t know saying no, either in person or online. Men don’t worry so much about rejection – they just go for it.
Despite 84 percent of users on the main social networking sites being female…twice as many men as women are likely to approach an unknown contact from an online network for business purposes’
Interesting statistic. Do you believe this is true? I’m not sure where the facts come from, but the point is still a good one.
Lesson learned: Widen your social circle online as well as in person. Make it a point to be more strategic about your online connections and contact people who will be able to build your business or increase your visibility in some fashion. It’s nice to accept invitations from others to connect online, but you can also be in control of who is in your network. Everyone who wants to be your “friend” online, may not be your best choice of a network contact. Do your own searches. Request introductions. Take the time to strategically build your network. Don’t leave it to chance.
I personally do not believe that women fear socializing. I just had the opportunity last week to do a presentation at the eWomen’s Network Boston Metro West chapter. Many of these networking organizations are now taking a different approach to the meetings in that they are facilitating networking by structuring activities that force women to connect, introduce themselves, and ask for what they need from others. I think this is great practice for women and I wondered to myself as I was participating in this exercise, if the dynamics of the meeting might change if men were present.
The author of the Times article expresses her point of view on women’s networking events,
In a business world still dominated by men, networking solely with other women is not much use.
There are many networking opportunities for women. For women who need practice promoting themselves and pitching their businesses, this is great. If your target audience is women, this is a great venue. However, I think we, as women, need to be more strategic with in person networking as well.
Lesson learned: Expand your networking events to include those events that have both men and women to build the social capital you need to advance your career and build your business. Be visible in your community through charity events. Volunteer to manage committees or projects at work that will help you stand out and then, of course, take the credit when you are successful.
Women are great at socializing but I think we need to be more strategic about how we network, who we include in our social networks, and how to promote ourselves to create the credibility and visibility we are need to advance our careers and build our businesses.
I would love to hear your thoughts on women and networking. Are we good at it?
It is true that men are not afraid of rejection, at least in the Internet business world. Dating on the other hand is much more difficult which brings me to my business. I have owned an online dating network for over 12 years. Most of the owners of dating sites I meet at dating conferences are Men. They have these conferences to network but I find that the men tend to stick together and do not want to network with women. Being the other half of the dating scene we can bring a lot to the table but alas, we are not invited to the podium during discussions. We can be love coaches, but respected business owners of a major dating brand..well that is a different story.
As for being a frined online (Facebook type friends) I have got more requests from women then men.. On LinkedIn I get equal responses from men and women and the same for Twitter.
I will continue to find networking opportunities for any women who would like to run a business like mine.
Women are more tuned in to creating and nurturing relationships, and I do think women are so much more sensitive to rejection. I know for myself socializing and connecting with others has never been easy and I am trying to step out of my comfort zone and connect with others while also networking for my business.
Yes, we are good at it. But . . .
Women attend networking events, participate in on-line networks, attend conferences, collect business cards and have those “great” networks.
Trouble is, we don’t know what to do with them! Men are far more successful in using their networks for business or career purposes than women are.
Why? Because “business is business” for them. If laid off from a job, they will contact everyone they know, tell them what has happened and ask if they have any leads. Women, by contrast, never get “laid off” in the first place. We are always in “transition”. And we don’t ask our network to help us find a new job, because we are not sure if the people we might ask actually like us. It would never occur to a man that he should be liked before he can ask for a lead or a referral.
Fortunately, we can learn!
I agree with all these comments. Women don’t seem to have the confidence to ask for the business. We hold back for a variety of reasons that are related not only to our lack of confidence, but our hesitancy to promote ourselves and been seen as too “pushy”, and yes we fear rejection.
The good news is that we can learn to do this better. There is a way to do this that is both effective and comfortable. My coaching practice focuses on helping women promote themselves effectively.