In this column I talked about what a fiasco it was when I did not send flowers to my mother. It had become an iconic story in the family. On Saturday a gorgeous bouquet arrived in a fabulous vase. Of course it was from my daughters and their families. We are in the Pennsylvania, they in California so the gift and sentiment worked.
However, I also received an amazing gift from one of my daughter’s and I asked her permission to share. Here is the back story: On Amazon there is a place for people to write reviews about books. One daughter had written a review when the book first came out. My other daughter, Mikayla was in Maui working on a film and it never was done, soon a forgotten thought.
Until several weeks ago when I was sorting out old materials and found a note from her saying how proud she was of me and the book and that she wanted to write a review. So I emailed her saying “look what I found” and then forget about it, or so I thought.
There has been a lot of buzz about the book lately since a Wall Street Journal article and occasionally I have been checking Amazon watching the sales go up; it’s lots of fun, however, no review from Mikayla.
So I sent a “friendly reminder” and with her response I was able to see a side of my relationship with this grown daughter that was residual from my “do your homework” high school days.
Since I was pushed to excel, and even though she was an honors student, I unconsciously did the same with her the pattern took hold. You’ll get the drift from her response: “Hi there victim….hmmm or is it drama queen…. I am not sure though you wrote the book so you probably can figure it out! Anyway, it may seem like I have been the procrastinator… which thanks to your book I am able to transform into the realizer. I took a long time because I wanted to write something you would appreciate and an old pattern of ‘is it good enough’ showed up. Guess they stay with us forever and at least now I can see it more clearly than ever before. While the review is short at least my approach was original and did not just recap what your book is about. Hope you like it…..not wanting to be the pleaser but rather the truth teller.”
This mother’s day was a great learning time for me, once again, about the depth and breadth of patterns at play in all relationships.
Sylvia Lafair
Sylvia Lafair, PhD, is President of CEO – Creative Energy Options, Inc., a global consulting company focused on optimizing workplace relationships through her exclusive PatternAware™ Leadership Model. Dr. Lafair is the author of Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns That Limit Success published by Jossey-Bass. As an executive coach and leadership educator, she has more than 30 years of experience with all levels of management from leading corporate officers of global companies to executives of non-profits and owners of leading family-owned businesses. She is now offering GUTSY Women Weekends, giving women the opportunity to dialogue and clarify next steps.
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