Knowing the difference between men and women is easy when we look at body parts. It is not so easy when we think about how our brains operate differently, yet they sure do.
Let’s just take the example of men and women in meetings. Now, we all know meetings are most likely to have some stress components. Knowing the differences in ways that we respond to stimuli can make the time together to problem solve better or bitter.
Here is the better: when stress is activated we all secrete the hormone cortisol. That’s all of us, male and female. And we all want to get stress and anxiety down, down, down. Women then secrete more oxytocin to bring that barometer to a stable place. Oxytocin causes women to “tend and befriend”. We like to connect and care. So, in a meeting we look for alliances, we glance around the room to see who is “with us”. We smile, we shoot looks of comfort and compliance, and we want everybody to be happy, on the same page.
Now our male counterparts also want the anxiety diminished. So, their internal mechanism secretes more testosterone. Then their brain talk says “assert yourself, mark your territory, be in charge”. Men like to dare and will stay in a war stance to get what it is they want at the moment. They are strong and focused on one thing, the goal and getting that ball across the goal.
Knowing this important information can make all the difference in how we handle ourselves in meetings. Often we need to find the balance between the “tend and befriend” manner and the “take no prisoners” mode.
In our GUTSY WOMEN WEEKEND program (the next one is November 11-13 at The Country Place Retreat Center in Pa) we offer women leaders the tips and tools to lead and participate in great meetings, making sure they are balanced and productive. We look at the cultural patterns that have been handed down from generation to generation, where many of us have taken the role of pleaser, martyr, or rescuer.
This is OUR TIME. It is time for us to both CARE and DARE as we take new and important places in our complex world.
Sylvia Lafair
Sylvia Lafair, PhD, is President of CEO – Creative Energy Options, Inc., a global consulting company focused on optimizing workplace relationships through her exclusive PatternAware™ Leadership Model. Dr. Lafair is the author of Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns That Limit Success published by Jossey-Bass. As an executive coach and leadership educator, she has more than 30 years of experience with all levels of management from leading corporate officers of global companies to executives of non-profits and owners of leading family-owned businesses. She is now offering GUTSY Women Weekends, giving women the opportunity to dialogue and clarify next steps.
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I really enjoyed reading this blog post. I am in a writing class at Chapman University called Writing About Women. As an assignment, we are supposed to have a blog. My blog is on Women in Business and how women are gender discriminated against in the workforce. In your post,I really liked how you showed the differences with the way men and women act in a meeting setting. Even though you related back to a meeting type setting, I feel that women and men act this way throughout their work. It is important for people to know that men and women have a different way of working, not that men are just better in business.
This is so true — “in a meeting we look for alliances, we glance around the room to see who is “with us”. We smile, we shoot looks of comfort and compliance, and we want everybody to be happy, on the same page.”. This is definitely how women do it, and in networking events, it’s all about working the room, connecting, sharing and helping each other succeed. The Gutsy Women Program sounds like a fabulous program! 🙂
Thanks Zsa Zsa, Megan, and Susan for the great comments about differences between the genders in the board room. I’m Sylvia Lafair’s colleague and we appreciate your positive comments. Our goal is to spread the word, so more leaders can observe and understand the unique responses of each gender and appreciate the differences, not right or wrong, just different. Viva la difference.