There seems to be a new polarization happening between men and women. Granted the celebrities in the news who are the cheating ones are mostly men, at least for now.
The big debate is about sexual addiction and we are all asked to vote if we think sleeping around is a disease of not. The article in the Huffington Post caught my eye and by the time I finished I had a knot of sadness in my stomach. We are so conditioned to making snap decisions about right and wrong we get stuck and never look beyond the obvious. Truly no one knows except the couple in the bedroom.
There is a poem by Rumi that ends “Somewhere between right and wrong there is a field, I’ll meet you there”. I am interested in your comments about this article as well as my take on it.
Sylvia Lafair
Sylvia Lafair, PhD, is President of CEO – Creative Energy Options, Inc., a global consulting company focused on optimizing workplace relationships through her exclusive PatternAware™ Leadership Model. Dr. Lafair is the author of Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns That Limit Success published by Jossey-Bass. As an executive coach and leadership educator, she has more than 30 years of experience with all levels of management from leading corporate officers of global companies to executives of non-profits and owners of leading family-owned businesses. She is now offering GUTSY Women Weekends, giving women the opportunity to dialogue and clarify next steps.
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Syliva, I read the article on Huffington Post. In my perception, she still sound pretty angry and hurt. I don’t know if sexual addiction is a disease or simply a primal biological function that lies dormant within us all. It certainly doesn’t fit within the expectations of a monogamous society.
In my experience, anyone who is not expanding spiritually can be a narcissist, seeing others through a very limited lens of selfish perception. I’ve experienced the gas lighting and been told “that’s in your head” to the point that I believed it.
I don’t know that all narcissists are cheaters. I believe that women can only be empowered by asking themselves what their motives were for being attracted to and staying in a relationship with that type of man. Was it the superficial grandeur? Is the bad boy syndrome? Are we attracted because of our own primal urge to attach to an alpha male? (See the article, “10 Political Incorrect Truths about Human Nature” By Alan S. Miller, Satoshi Kanazawa, published on July 01, 2007 – last reviewed on June 18, 2009.)
As you know, narcissism as a personality disorder has other symptoms besides infidelity and is difficult to treat. What can be treated is the codependence of the “victim”. Sometimes if a woman were to get totally honest, there were early warning signs that she chose to ignore which later placed her in a position to be hurt.
Is it really a patriarchal desire to control women or a lack of compassion and empathy for others that stems from a deeply wounded subconscious? When we judge and condemn him, we ourselves lack compassion and empathy. I don’t think that means we must stay in an unacceptable, painful relationship; I simply think that we truly must practice that which we wish to receive.