What are your non-negotiables? What are the behaviors that you absolutely must-have and absolutely will not tolerate? Over the last five years, I've developed a "manifesto" of sorts that lists out the things that I am willing to work with and more importantly, the things that I will not work with --- at all. This list has helped me sort out "good" projects -- which are … [Read more...]
Get over it! (…the fear of being your own boss, that is)
Lately I’ve been experiencing higher than normal anxiety, the fear that maybe it won’t all work out and heavy reliance on emotional support from friends and family. The reason for acting this way, and being totally uncool, is that I have finally decided to follow my dream of being my own boss. That’s right, after several years of working for others while wishing I was … [Read more...]
Leadership and “Process till you Puke”!
In every business, in every life, it is vital to process all information and even emotional content to make sure that you are making the best decisions you can make. Yet, there are extremes and when you get caught at one end point of the spectrum or the other, there is a tendency to either deny what is going on, or indulge in over-thinking the process. One of our best … [Read more...]
You’ll Never Know Until You Ask
Is No really NO or is it an opportunity? Women are much more likely than men to take a “no” as a personal rejection and final answer. In fact, the fear of rejection will often keep us from asking for things we rightly deserve. Let’s look at the situation of a salary negotiation or performance review. Perhaps we were expecting a large raise and only received a small one. … [Read more...]
Breaking the “Instant Response” Cycle
Perhaps it's because of women's hard won reputation as excellent multitaskers. Or perhaps its because we all panic that if we don't put in our two cents instantly, we'll be ignored. But whatever the reason, too many of us have gotten into the nasty habit of being "overly responsive." As soon as our Blackberrys vibrate or we hear the ping of a new email arriving in our … [Read more...]
The Plight of the Pleaser
In graduate school I was in an experiment to see what happens when emotionally laden words are presented to you. The question was “can just one word make a difference in how you react?” I’ll give you the answer straight up, one that I guess you already intuitively know. The answer is “Yes! Words, even simple words, not linked together in a sentence can cause us to shake and … [Read more...]
Without Walls
Honoring the 20th Anniversary of the Berlin Wall tumbling down reminded me of the children’s nursery rhyme-- “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the king’s horses and all the king’s men Couldn’t put Humpty together again” Curious verse; so here is my interpretation. When we fall and perhaps feel … [Read more...]
Be Smart About Jumping In
Post by Jand K. Stimmler, contributing Women On Business writer Recently I read an article entitled “On Court’s First Day, Sotomayor Jumps In” which referred to Justice Sonia Sotomayor’s first day on the Supreme Court. The article went on to say that the Justice “displayed no reticence on the first day of her first term on the court…(she) asked many questions and made as many … [Read more...]
Women and Men: Is Partnership Really Possible?
This is such an exciting time of pattern busting. By that I mean the old ways are falling fast and furious. We are no longer willing to shove bad behavior under the rug. We are questioning old ways and questing for new ways. I believe the most fascinating and long overdue microscope is now being put more strongly on male-female relationships in a way that is neither … [Read more...]
The Benefits of Assertive Communication
Assertive communication is speaking up appropriately for oneself while considering the needs, wants, and rights of others. The verbal characteristics of assertive communication are clear, direct, and honest statements of feelings and the use of “I” statements. We feel good about ourselves when we communicate assertively, but also, we must feel self-confident and good about … [Read more...]