As women, we have a lifetime of mixed messages around becoming strong leaders and connecting with our innate talent and personal power. This often results in what I call the “yes, but” mentality. You instinctively know what to do BUT you don’t do it. For example, you know you should do more to get out and promote your business, but you spend more of your time in the office hoping that eventually word of mouth will bring you clients.
Why don’t we do what we instinctively know we should do? Are our reasons valid or just excuses?
Often our fears and limiting beliefs make up most of our “buts” and we sabotage ourselves by listening to these messages. They hold us back and keep us in our comfort zone.
Mixed messages relative to our professional success as women continually create this internal tug of war. We want to be successful, yet we worry about what the tolerance for our message is with our friends, colleagues, peers, prospects, and clients.
After all, we are women and as women we should be humble and polite and take the back seat. We have experienced the criticism of the Hillary Clintons of the world have received for being too pushy and aggressive. Yet all the business advice and media push calls for us to assert and promote ourselves as equals in the workplace. It’s this push and pull that creates the “yes, but” mentality.
We feel compelled to please everyone, yet we want to succeed. At some level, we are concerned that leadership positions and business success will make us seem pushy.
Can you relate to any of these “yes, buts”?
- Yes, I am accomplished, BUT it’s not right brag about it.
- Yes, I am ambitious, BUT I can’t appear to be too assertive.
- Yes, I deserve a higher salary, BUT I don’t feel comfortable asking for a raise.
What “yes, buts” do you recite to yourself all the time?
It’s time to connect with your confidence and do what you know is best for you to be successful.
This discussion intrigues me, Bonnie, as I think the reasons we don’t do what we know we need to do to grow our businesses more successful are complex and varied. For one I think most women are really exhausted. Totally and completely exhausted and to do that one more thing that just must be done takes just that extra bit of effort that is too much. It might seem contradictory but I think that what we need as women in business is more quality DOWN time- doing fun and enlivening things or just doing nothing and enjoying it. I notice when my life is balanced with pleasure and rest I am more willing and able to to what my business requires.
I am tired of just “pushing through” when what I really need is a nap!
Cindy Morris, msw
Priestess Entrepreneur and Astrologer-at-large
http://PracticalPriestess.com/products.html
Cindy,
I hear you! We do need more balance and fun in our lives for sure and my post certainly is not advocating pushing and promoting your business all the time. That being said, I think it is important to understand what holds us back from talking about ourselves and our businesses in a positive manner. There are messages we were taught as a result of our upbringing that contribute to the “yes, but” mentality that
often interfere and sabotage our efforts to promote ourselves successfully.